i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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