Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
