the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
