ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can't put those talents on a resume
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
