I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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