We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
