Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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