Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
