you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
