It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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