I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
