So drunk its hurt
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
