Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
