You made me cry and you don't even care
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
