if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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