I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
