yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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