maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
