Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just found a bag of teeth...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
