just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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