I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have so many feelings about this burrito
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
