I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize