p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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