I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
