you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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