I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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