I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
