I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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