in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
