I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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