we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
