the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
