Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she told me i tasted like america
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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