My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
