His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
