I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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