yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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