it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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