Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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