Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
