You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize