We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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