I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
