I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
