we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
