If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
