If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You are a genius and a whore.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize