I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize