i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
