ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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