It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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