she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
