I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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