I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
not ubering you a puppy
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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