You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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