actually, I'm a sock model
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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