Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
