Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize