I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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