but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
