Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
