Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
