ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
