i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
