I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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