dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
