btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
