i permit you to call me
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
