i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
