Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
