I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You left your phone here
Wait...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
