his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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