My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The beer is more important than you right now.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
