You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize